Once upon a time

Some friends and I spent the week up in New Hampshire with an amazing group of youth and staff from Boston Onnuri Church. We watched in awe as God moved in their hearts and they declared their intention to live for Him. You could almost see the words being written on blank pages, as new chapters of their stories with Him began …

And somehow, it brought me back to that wondrous, beautiful, momentous day, exactly 8 years ago when it all began for me. When a little 17-year-old girl, sitting in a room with 10,000 in Kansas City, encountered the uncreated God. How He spoke to my heart those three life-changing words, “I love you,” and how my life was set for a course that I could not have imagined. There have been mountains so high and glorious, I have said like Peter at the mount of transfiguration, “Let us stay here, forever!” never wanting to come down. There have been lows that were so low, I did not think I would ever make it out. And to be honest, I am nowhere near the woman I thought I would be 8 years into the story. But He is so much more kind, faithful, passionate, glorious, benevolent, beautiful, and a million other adjectives, than I could have, or ever will completely know.

And as I remembered the journey and it’s start, my heart nearly exploded out of my chest. There is no doubt about it; I would do it all over again. I wouldn’t take any of it back. Not for all the riches, all the success, all the pleasures, all the comforts, all the power or position I could have …The revelation and experience of His love, His GREAT love for me, has been worth it all.

Once upon a time, God whispered His affections to an unremarkable little pauper girl. He told her she was a queen and invited her to go on an adventure with Him … and she was never the same.

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

Henry David Thoreau.

Remember that old song?

I’ve got peace like a river
I’ve got peace like a river
I’ve got peace like a river
In my soul

I love that peace is described like a river. It isn’t a lake or a pond, or any other still, stationary body of water. No, it is like a river. It is not found in stability and stillness and lack of change. Rather man finds peace when he realizes that he is not in control of where he goes. He trusts that God who created all things, who has the stars in His hand, has the path all laid out. That man does not need to do a thing to make it happen. He just needs to go with the flow. And then, around every riverbend, he sings at the top of his voice …

I’ve got joy like a fountain
I’ve got joy like a fountain
I’ve got joy like a fountain
In my soul

(don’t) look at me!

Self analysis is an extremely disheartening hobby. It is our tendency, to fixate on our own selves, our own lives, our own weaknesses, and to get depressed at what is in front of us. And the more I see me, the more I don’t want others to see me. So I retract into my hermit-crab shell once again, trying to hide from what I perceive to be judging eyes, when the only eyes that judge me are my own. What an ugly cycle it becomes … because in that shell, there is only myself to look at and think upon … only more depressing sights and thoughts to be had.

The solution: stop the self-analysis and look to Him. At this quarter-century mark, I am nowhere near as wise as I thought I’d be, but what I have learned is that the sight of Him, the knowledge of Him, the revelation of His goodness, faithfulness, BIGness, and lovingkindness gives me faith and hope. I look at me, and I see only weakness and the impossibilities. I look at Him, and suddenly, I am free as a bird who knows that the skies are hers.

The glass

Been asking for the Lord’s perspective on the future. I tend to think of each possible path in light of what I would have to give up in order to walk down it. But He says to me, it’s a win, win … because regardless of the outcome, the location, the people, the job, the ministry … I get Him.

(On a side note, does it ever seem that these blog posts get repetitive? Or is it that I am just along a journey of learning truths again and again, just deeper and deeper?)

So is the glass half full or half empty? The real answer is that it is filled to the brim … I just need eyes to see it so.

Forget-Him-Not

Selective memory … it is something that runs in the family bloodline it seems. We Kim-folk can recall certain events and conversations with frightening accuracy, but oftentimes cannot seem to remember what we walked into the room to do.

What is funny is how skewed my memory tends to be. I am quick to remember the things that have gone wrong, the disappointments I have faced, the times where I have fallen flat on my face. And for whatever reason, I do not often remember how faithful the Lord has been to me, how plentifully He has provided for my every need … to be thankful and to acknowledge His loving hand in it all. All of those things seem to have a hidden room, deep in the recesses of my mind. And how humble He is, that He is the one who gently reminds me, when I should be the one shouting at the top of my lungs how good He has been to me!

So I will remember … He is the one who has ALWAYS been good to me. He is the one who has never ever ever let me down. Forget Him not, oh forgetful heart of mine. Bless the Lord … and forget not His benefits.

Reflections on Kona

Lavish … that is the summative word for my time in Kona. The Lord lavished me with love at every turn. I have never had a summer so full, so deep, so high. Charlene and I would lay in our room (re-named the glory room) every evening, and the Holy Spirit would meet us, speaking to us about the goodness and faithfulness of God. Each day was evidence of His love for us. Prayers, even small ones, were answered almost before they left our mouths. The encouragement of heart-friends was heard constantly. The promises of the Father over my life have never been so clear. And faith filled my heart to the point of bursting … faith in His goodness, faith in His plans, faith for people, and on and on.

It’s like I held out my little cup, and asked Him to fill it. In response, He took my cup, and dunked it in His ocean. Lavish love … this is my Jesus.

“I cling to my Jesus”

Romance

Some of the places Jesus and I have gone recently …

The romance of the last few weeks has been like a dream … but His love is oh so real. My heart can’t even contain all that He lavishes over me. Oh how He loves!

One Less Lonely Girl …

I have a propensity toward loneliness … even surrounded by familiar faces, I feel the ache inside. It has for years been a struggle of mine, that intense longing to be heard, seen, and known, and fighting the desperate search for a quick fix.

And as easy as it is to say, “God can fill your loneliness,” it is a large feat to believe it to the core of my being. To know it so deeply that I run to Him in my yearning for love, rather than another person or another activity that might give me significance. But I know that my longing to be known, to be loved, is one that He has placed in me, all that He might fill it … and exceedingly so! It’s like the saying goes: “there’s a God-shaped hole in your heart that only He can fill.”

So come fill me up, God! Fill me with You, and You alone.